The Legacy of a Hopeful Heart

As parents who have faced the unimaginable loss of our babies to stillbirth, we are denied the profound joy of bringing a living, breathing child home.

I vividly recall the day I was discharged from the hospital after my son Lucas was stillborn. While my husband went to retrieve the car, I sat in a wheelchair in the lobby, accompanied by my mother-in-law, Joanne, and a nurse. Just then, the elevator door next to us opened, and a young couple emerged, carefully cradling a car seat wrapped in a grey-and-white blanket. Their bright smiles radiated the joy of new parenthood, contrasting sharply with the heavy silence surrounding me.

In that heartbreaking moment, tears streamed down my face as I recognized the identical blanket we had packed for our stay. Yet, instead of cradling our baby, we were leaving with nothing but emptiness. The crushing reality struck me—how could I endure life without seeing my precious child?

One day, I received an email from an organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, which contained a link to a collection of remembrance portraits of my son, Lucas. I dimly remembered a photographer visiting the hospital to capture moments of us holding him. In the chaos of grief, I didn’t think to ask for his name or the name of the organization. I simply followed instructions without giving it much thought.

With my hand shaking and my heart pounding, I clicked the email link. It led me to over a dozen black-and-white photos, including tender images of Lucas in our arms and one with his grandfathers. While the pictures brought a flood of tears, they also offered a surprising sense of solace. For the first time, I could see my son daily, not just in my dreams and imagination, allowing me to honor his memory in a tangible way.

Later, I learned more about NILMDTS, the organization that provides remembrance portraits for families who have lost their babies. It was founded by a mother who, after experiencing her own heartbreaking loss, recognized how powerful these portraits could be for healing and remembrance. Based in Denver, NILMDTS mobilizes volunteer photographers who visit hospitals to offer this invaluable service free of charge. Remarkably, their reach has expanded to all 50 states in the U.S. and over 40 countries across the globe.

As I embarked on creating a documentary about stillbirth, titled The Due Time, I knew it was crucial to interview at least one volunteer photographer from NILMDTS. I was deeply curious about the individuals who generously give their time and artistic skill during such profoundly tragic moments. After sending an email to NILMDTS, I was fortunate enough to connect with Betsy, and I was eager to learn about her experiences and motivations.

Betsy is now retired, but she spent over three decades as a professional photographer. Her studio in Fort Collins, Colorado, brimmed with images that celebrated the joyous milestones of life, like weddings and birthday parties, alongside breathtaking shots of animals and nature.

In 2005, after reading a compelling article about the invaluable work of NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep), Betsy felt a strong calling to volunteer as a photographer for the organization. She officially became a volunteer photographer in 2006, and over the following two decades, she conducted almost 200 heartfelt photo sessions for families in the Denver Metro area who were grieving the loss of their babies.

Betsy emphasizes that, unlike traditional portraits, it’s not about what people wear or how they pose in these remembrance sessions. Her mission is to capture the intimate final moments shared between families and their babies, highlighting the powerful emotional connections that define these experiences. By documenting these precious memories, Betsy helps families cherish their love even in the face of loss.

When I inquired about the impact of these sessions on her mental health, she revealed that initially, she found herself spending days reflecting on the photographs, which became emotionally overwhelming. However, over time, she developed the ability to separate her emotions from those of the families she served. She consistently reminded herself that, while every passing was deeply tragic, it was not her personal journey.

Betsy learned to create a supportive environment for families during their hospital visits for the photo sessions. Upon returning home, she made it a point to touch up the images promptly. NILMDTS offers only black-and-white heirloom photographs, designed to be timeless for families. After carefully enhancing the photos, Betsy would send them to NILMDTS and delete the files from her computer's hard drive, ensuring she wouldn't have to revisit them. Nevertheless, out of the 200 photo sessions, some images remain etched in her memory, as their emotional impact was so profound that they became unforgettable.

In 2008, a grieving family in Fort Collins asked Betsy to help organize a support group for families who had lost children in the area. At that time, such support networks were nonexistent in Fort Collins, leaving families isolated in their grief. Initially, Betsy hesitated to take on this significant responsibility. Her expertise was in photography, and having never experienced the loss of a child herself, she worried that she might not be qualified to lead a support group.

Yet, through her volunteer work with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS), she recognized the crucial need for a safe space where families could connect and share their pain. As she insightfully noted, “Grief is what we have inside. When we grieve, we often withdraw. But sharing your mourning is an essential step toward healing.”

Betsy took the initiative to connect with two other mothers who had experienced the heart-wrenching loss of a child. Together, they established a support group for families in the community facing similar grief. At their inaugural meeting, around sixteen families gathered. Betsy immediately recognized the significance of their gathering. She expressed, “These families connected deeply. They truly understood one another. Nothing felt off-limits. There were no reactions of discomfort; it was a space where everyone could share, and witnessing that was simply magical.”

From this powerful beginning, the organization Three Hopeful Hearts emerged. Today, it offers monthly grief sessions for parents and grandparents and hosts separate retreats for mothers and fathers. In 2019, I attended the Mother’s Day retreat and had the privilege of meeting Betsy, unaware at that time of her volunteer work with NILMDTS. I was thrilled to reconnect with her for this documentary project.

This November, I attended the organization’s “Be the Light” gala. At the closing, the organization’s president Sarah instilled this powerful message with all the attendees:

“Tonight, we’ve shared stories that hold both heartbreak and hope and it’s natural to feel the weight of them. But as we close, I want to ask you not to take that heaviness home with you. Instead, take with you the impact you’ve made tonight. Because your presence here, your generosity, and your compassion truly change lives. You’ve given families a place to turn in their darkest moments where love is honored, memories are cherished, and hope begins. So as you leave tonight, carry that light with you. Let it remind you that even in the face of loss, what we do together makes healing possible. Thank you for helping that light continue to shine for families finding their way, for children whose love still guides us, and for every heart healing in our community.”

What a legacy Betsy has left behind!

In this season of giving, if you are still considering  which organizations or causes to support, may I suggest: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, Three Hopeful Hearts, and our documentary film project, The Due Time.

Thank you.